I don't know what to believe any more

Publicly embarrassment

See what can happen? See??

Good things are happening. I feel good about them today. A couple of days ago I felt like shit and everything was horrible.

That's how you know you are alive, you see.

The joy
!

The suffering
!

I have so much work to do I'm frankly unsure that it's all going to get done. Am I subjecting myself to a humiliating publicly embarrassment? ('humiliating embarrassment' - that's tautological, you know).

I'm freaking out a little bit. Not today though. La di da.

Dream 30/6/07: Portrait of my father as a blue budgie

I am in a travelling prize exhibition where the work is about birds, specifically budgies. I have proposed a certain work and my proposal has been accepted but I haven't made the work yet. We travel together to the location of the show; somewhere distant, tropical? Luke Shelley and others from the gosford emerging show are there. I am making four budgies (out of fimo) who will sit on a single perch inside of a white, round fimo cage. It will be some kind of metaphor for a family. Other people are installing the work in an atmosphere of friendly camaraderie and i am sitting on the floor making mine. I start with a yellow bird but soon realise that a canary is not the same as a budgie and have to start again. The next one I make is blue, and I find it hard to make a realistic shape of the bird's body; also, i keep finding real wings and feathers in my work, which annoys me ... it's supposed to be fimo. I get stuck into it and am amazed at the forms I can construct. Then I realise the bird I've made is much too large and I have to make it smaller. Then I realise it can be the 'father' bird so it's ok.

I have fimoed my own handwriting

Yes. Yes, I have.

In contrast to my previous mood of late

Teigan has been up from Melbourne to visit. As a going away present he is getting me some cold and flu tablets. Isn't that nice? It shows he really cares. Right now the sun is coming through the window onto the back of my head and neck in such a way; I can't tell you. You would just have to feel it to understand.

The Particular Pleasures of Posting

I mean, there just aren't the opportunities for alliteration on Facebook, are there? Blogging better because it is infinitely influencabler.

Somebody call the meta-police! Metapuh-lease!

I'm going to regret this [later on] in the morning.

What I Did In My Holidays I Mean Life Lately

Went to Melbourne for exhibition stop sold a little work stop no its true I wouldn't shit ya stop it was very cheap stop had fun hanging out with teigan drinking a lot and inhaling secondhand smoke but this has all come to an end now ha stop bought a great table on ebay for my new studio no this is back in sydney now stop yes new studio for me to be productive in stop i told you i was going to get one stop also a good chair stop photos soon stop maybe stop went climbing for the first time in two months stop couldnt hack it for long stop must stop get stop fit stop

yeah yeah i know its more tiring to read than it is to write

stop

just hadda sneak that in

stop [etc etc etc]

Regrets, I've had a few ...

I'm going to go out on a cliche limb here and state the bleedingly obvious. I have been neglecting my lil la di da world lately. We used to be so close, and now - well, I don't know if this Facebook thing is going to last but I just feel that it's what I want to explore right now. It's like, I want to take the opportunity I lost with Myspace and do it right this time ... I don't want to miss this opportunity, you know? This feeling might not come again in a hurry. It's just what feels right, right now. I mean, the blog and I have had some good times, and I know we'll always have more ...

Oh for pete's sake. I've just been lazy and inhibited, alright?

OK, newsy post coming right up.

Teaser

I will be posting again soon.

I didn't know

I didn't know Spalding Gray had killed himself! I didn't even know he had been dead for the last three years. I'm glad I didn't find out until I finished reading Swimming to Cambodia. I was wondering what he was up to these days while I read it. I guess you could tell he was kind of troubled, in a perky, functional, engaged sort of way. Still, though. It's disappointing.

Waking up late dreams 10/6/07

First, some of my friends picked me up, held me aloft and dance-carried me upstairs in a huge abandoned warehouse. They put me in front of a window from where I could see a bunch of boys who were a geeky crew in my primary school were dancing, totally kitsch Broadway jazz-style, fantastically choreographed, in relay up the road, performing just for my benefit. I was happy and laughing.

Then, I was on holiday in Bavarian summertime when everyone realised that the planet had just been invaded. Large Vogon-like creatures appeared and made an announcement that from now on we were all going to be rounded up and controlled and spied on and that was that. They made everyone get out of the swimming pool and line up, like squashed flat against one another, and to march towards some particular destination. Shinmi was crying and I held her hand to comfort her. I said "I think we have to do what they say" and we all started filing towards whatever place they wanted, probably some kind of work camp. We kept stepping on each others' feet as there was no space between us. We marched past some old industrial buildings that had been converted into a film set and we could see people inside still talking to each other and not marching; resisting? I jumped out of my line and snuck inside; they had been having some party so everyone had wine. Rachel and Holly were there on a shoot and we all hugged. The film people were trying to work out what to do. I felt very strongly that it was the end of everything.

Just for Fun - Totally Random

Having previously been told to stop whining (my life is pretty good, apparently [tone clarification: rampantly sarcastic]), I would like to post the last thing that made me laugh out loud (and there have been a few today; I guess it's a Good Day).

First I should mention that I was perusing the groups on Facebook to which a certain friend of mine named Bobbi-Jo belongs. Apologies in advance for any context-deprivation-induced lack of humorousness that may be experienced.



Note the related groups. Who are these Bobbi-Jo's? My one isn't like that ...

Also: will this love affair I'm having with Facebook ever end?

Who and why

So I'm trying to work out which internationally acclaimed artist I would most want to study with if I had the choice. It's for an application. You know what? I think no-one. Maybe Bruce Nauman. As if. Anyway, I just read an [old] interview with him where he explains why he doesn't have an assistant. He says something like that would mean he would have to have so much of the work thought out in advance already, in order to hand the work over to someone else to do, that he wouldn't be able to do the thinking out and working out of the problems that to him is the work. Of course I'm hyper-mega-paraphrasing. So I'd like to work with him. That is, the only club I want to be a member of isn't taking applications, which is why I'd like to join.

Art and travel plans can be very inhibiting, and explaining things can be a feeling-of-discovery-killer. Sometimes you just need to make/go. Or is this just an excuse for procrastinating on that stupid application. What do I want to do with all that money in the unlikely event that someone gives it to me? Whatever sounds good that comes up that I can get into, alright?

*sigh*

Oh Facebook, how quickly we've got to know each other ...

Long-awaited residency post

So I've just been on this artist residency? They give you a huge studio (and apartment) in the country, full of light and 20 minutes drive on a windy dirt road to the nearest crap town to encourage you to do lots of work.

When I arrived I was all 'what am I going to do with all this space?'


As much fun as it was skipping around while listening to loud music, I did feel that I should do some work. And much as I love naycha, I don't really wanna make art about this:

So I did some things like this:

this,

um, and this,

you know, and some other stuff ... some videos ... can't post 'em, they're not finished.

I felt like I got a lot done but now when I think about it I'm not so sure ...

Anyway. A month in the country is pretty good. Sorry this post is so anticlimactic but at least now we can all get on with our lives.

I gots to learn how to customise properly

Hey, what part of this post title didn't you understand? How many times I have to type it?

Huh? Oh, sorry, did you mean me?

Um, yes, it's true, I'm back home. I've been busy wasting time with Facebook.

I know, I know, but at least it aint Myspace.


They're all fucken snobs.

Prodctive and ennobling poverty Days Five and Six

Blah blah procrastinated watched a movie caught up with peeps, packed, made lists, had meetings about stuff, made phone calls, paid some bills. Slept badly. Took all the drawings stuck up on my wall off my wall and put them in a box. Time to make some new drawings. Note to self: remember to draw triangles, cubes, scissors, cylinders, arrows, letters, clouds, rainbows, pins, blah blah etc blah. Went to pub full of hillbilly chic and porkpie hats. So hot right now. Were given birthday cake by strangers. Touched. Tomorrow driving to the bush to focus and be productive properly. Also opshop and make May of the Dead costume. No further excuses to be accepted.

Productive and ennobling poverty Day Four

Wake feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. No time, no time, no time. Call J to try and postpone planned collaborative work for weekend. Make lists. Rush off only just on time to mind gallery for entire afternoon. Arrive at gallery. Stare out of window vapidly, accidentally driving away those passersby whose eyes I momentarily catch. Make more lists; realise I am duplicating lists produced earlier in day. Day saved by chatty friends who drop by to visit. Talk art all day.

Finish up. Curse yesterday's laziness while struggling to fit bicycle in back of two door hatchback. Pizza for dinner. Calm down slightly. More talk about art. Let flatmate down via lack of supportive gig attendance.

Nothing produced today but lists!