There have been fireworks let off in the park near my house this evening. This after a bunch of possums/cats had a party with lots of flamenco and brawling on the corregated sunroom roof. The other night there was a flying fox (bat? I do not know) hanging in the tree directly outside the sunroom window. I've never been so close to one before. It was having a go at eating something, upside-down. It looked all wrong, gravity-wise. Like one of those pictures that's sometimes a bunny and sometimes a rabbit ... wait; I think I mean duck. Anyway. With legs that have hands to hang with when your head's upside down.
Quite strange.
I've been working on my website tonight. I decided a while ago I was going to put everything on it. Everything I still liked, that is. I'm beginning to question that decision as the project spreads into its second year. Mind you, I haven't touched it for at least six months, so ...
Sometimes I really want to post on the blog but there's nothing at all to say, so I end up doing these la-di-da kind of nowhere nothing posts about the birds or the sunlight. It's like a little hand with nothing in it, reaching out over the interwebs, grasping for something to hold on to.
Showing posts with label banality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label banality. Show all posts
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
More upbeat
I have these times when I want to do paintings/become a painter. That might happen, one day. But other times I want to become a writer (again). Both have the same problem in them; content/subject.
What of/about?
So silly. It's best just to do things, and not worry or anticipate or plan. You can always make it good later if it's crap at the start.
Anyway.
I'm feeling a little more upbeat now.
Here's a picture of something I made recently:
Just doing anything at all is usually the biggest problem for me. I think I need to do more that's messy. Precious schmecious (if you will).
What of/about?
So silly. It's best just to do things, and not worry or anticipate or plan. You can always make it good later if it's crap at the start.
Anyway.
I'm feeling a little more upbeat now.
Here's a picture of something I made recently:
Just doing anything at all is usually the biggest problem for me. I think I need to do more that's messy. Precious schmecious (if you will).
Meh, and not even original meh
I just watched a bird on a power line out the window, after hanging out there for a minute, reach across and chomp down a spider from a web. I'm aware of the banality of this observation, so perhaps it says something about my mood that it made me aware of how casually a life can be chomped up by some external force. All this angst and worry and whatever, when you can be Struck Down at any time; what's the point? Rationally, you'd conclude that with this knowledge the best strategy is to be living each moment as happily as you can and not worrying about or planning for the future. The reality of your life means nothing to the bird that sees you as dinner (for a quick second, before ceasing to think of you at all), but that personal, petty reality is so strong to you; how can you overcome being so wrapped up in it?
Wherefore perspective?
I was looking at Facebook (it's all your fault, Facebook) because I read something online about someone from primary school who is now on the BRW Young Rich List. I opened the mail and got my credit card bill and thought: What am I doing with my life, and what for?
Wherefore perspective?
I was looking at Facebook (it's all your fault, Facebook) because I read something online about someone from primary school who is now on the BRW Young Rich List. I opened the mail and got my credit card bill and thought: What am I doing with my life, and what for?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
These days
I feel almost physically sick when I check my email these days. I would be really happy not to have to have it any more, except obviously I have to.
This feeling has been current for some time. One of the results of it is that most of my correspondents have pretty much given up on me, so I hardly have any emails when I do check. In one way, this is pleasing, as I don't have to answer any emails (which I don't know why makes me feel wrong sometimes - I think it's not my preferred way to interact with people: I'm reflective enough as it is); in another way, I feel sad because I'm losing touch with people. Which is very bad.
In other news, I was going to post the pictures I took from my vantage point high over Glebe and Annandale of the post-apocalyptic [-looking] orange dust storm that woke me up at 5.30am (something pounds on the exterior wall of the bedroom during gale force winds and it's not conducive to sweet dreams - and for once it wasn't the nightmare neighbours, more on whom later). But everyone else in the world already posted them. Here, look.
It was a very unsettling thing to wake up, not merely because I see that time of the morning perhaps twice a year at most, but because it looked like a mammoth super-fire was roaring in from Western Sydney. All the windows of our place were open, and in my sleepy state I couldn't understand why I couldn't smell the smoke. I had a flashback to the late eighties and thought the end of the world was nigh. And there were not yet pictures of red sky on the Herald website, so I thought maybe all the journalists had been liquified. Once I had looked up BOM and seen that the meteorologists were still living, breathing and updating their site, I relaxed a bit. Couldn't go back to sleep, though (see tree issue, previous paragraph).
I took photos to show MW when he woke up but it was extraordinarily still completely orange when the proper day started about two hours later. Now there's a yucky film of dust over everything in my studio, because of the vents-I-haven't-yet-found-a-stepladder-to-climb-up-on-and-cover-with-plastic-or-paper-or-something-because-of-the-white-dust-that-blows-in-through-them-when-there's-wind. Fortunately all the fragile masterpieces-in-progress are covered in glad wrap (or as they'd say in Adrian Mole or The Young Ones, 'cling film'. [Cling film, heh]). Dustiness is a place my work goes to in its nightmares.
I've just been in the library so I'm all full of mental blurgh. I don't mean mental 'blah' like 'meh', I mean blurgh like 'urge to blurt things out'.
I so loved Adrian Mole. I always think of him when I'm sorting through 'the heavy papers' on the weekend.
Other things are progressing pleasingly. Time is always a problem; but if there was no time there couldn't be any doing at all so I suppose I shouldn't complain that it's passing.
This feeling has been current for some time. One of the results of it is that most of my correspondents have pretty much given up on me, so I hardly have any emails when I do check. In one way, this is pleasing, as I don't have to answer any emails (which I don't know why makes me feel wrong sometimes - I think it's not my preferred way to interact with people: I'm reflective enough as it is); in another way, I feel sad because I'm losing touch with people. Which is very bad.
In other news, I was going to post the pictures I took from my vantage point high over Glebe and Annandale of the post-apocalyptic [-looking] orange dust storm that woke me up at 5.30am (something pounds on the exterior wall of the bedroom during gale force winds and it's not conducive to sweet dreams - and for once it wasn't the nightmare neighbours, more on whom later). But everyone else in the world already posted them. Here, look.
It was a very unsettling thing to wake up, not merely because I see that time of the morning perhaps twice a year at most, but because it looked like a mammoth super-fire was roaring in from Western Sydney. All the windows of our place were open, and in my sleepy state I couldn't understand why I couldn't smell the smoke. I had a flashback to the late eighties and thought the end of the world was nigh. And there were not yet pictures of red sky on the Herald website, so I thought maybe all the journalists had been liquified. Once I had looked up BOM and seen that the meteorologists were still living, breathing and updating their site, I relaxed a bit. Couldn't go back to sleep, though (see tree issue, previous paragraph).
I took photos to show MW when he woke up but it was extraordinarily still completely orange when the proper day started about two hours later. Now there's a yucky film of dust over everything in my studio, because of the vents-I-haven't-yet-found-a-stepladder-to-climb-up-on-and-cover-with-plastic-or-paper-or-something-because-of-the-white-dust-that-blows-in-through-them-when-there's-wind. Fortunately all the fragile masterpieces-in-progress are covered in glad wrap (or as they'd say in Adrian Mole or The Young Ones, 'cling film'. [Cling film, heh]). Dustiness is a place my work goes to in its nightmares.
I've just been in the library so I'm all full of mental blurgh. I don't mean mental 'blah' like 'meh', I mean blurgh like 'urge to blurt things out'.
I so loved Adrian Mole. I always think of him when I'm sorting through 'the heavy papers' on the weekend.
Other things are progressing pleasingly. Time is always a problem; but if there was no time there couldn't be any doing at all so I suppose I shouldn't complain that it's passing.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Progress on Rules
Today I had to exercise some self-control. In keeping with the new rules, I did not buy either of the two books I was considering at Gleebooks second-hand.
I will probably long for them for a couple more days, then I'll be over it.
If not, I'll go back for them in blatant disregard of my commitment.
Our apartment is bitterly cold today, despite the sun outside. Studio calling! (There's a heater in there.)
I will probably long for them for a couple more days, then I'll be over it.
If not, I'll go back for them in blatant disregard of my commitment.
Our apartment is bitterly cold today, despite the sun outside. Studio calling! (There's a heater in there.)
Friday, July 03, 2009
OMG
Four. Days. Off.
This pleases me.
I must not waste the next three like the first.
My return to blogging has thus far been kind of banal, of late in any case. I suppose it was often like that in the old days anyway.
Tomorrow may well be a less banal day, as well as being at the very least another in the series. (Of days.)
This pleases me.
I must not waste the next three like the first.
My return to blogging has thus far been kind of banal, of late in any case. I suppose it was often like that in the old days anyway.
Tomorrow may well be a less banal day, as well as being at the very least another in the series. (Of days.)
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Melange du chose au deux jours
Yesterday I tried to find fabric town, but got lost in 'normal people live here' town. It was lovely, actually. Lots of tiny narrow streets. I found a shopping street that I decided was functional and not uber consumerist and paradoxically went a bit buying things crazy. The ceramics they have here are to die for ... I still want to go back and buy the $50 red mug ... today I managed to only spend money on lunch and entry to a parky thing. What a star! Such restraint!
I've seen no art yet, I keep wandering on foot and getting lost in neighbourhoods or shops, or getting lost on a bike. Tomorrow I am totally going to see some art.
Today there were iris fields, which were frankly a little bit overrated (or perhaps it made me nostalgic for my Mum's garden). It was full of Japanese couples of a certain age, which is nice, and many were doing watercolours of the flowers. Yesterday I bought these dried banana things and they are so amazing that I've now looked up whether I'm allowed to bring them back to Aust (I think so, if I declare them) ... soooo goooooood.
What else happened in Tokyo? My charming host took me to a beautiful bookstore, full of gorgeous books on the twentieth century avant gardes. I can't tell you how pleasing a second-hand bookstore can be made to the eye in this country. I just can't. I exhibited great restraint in not buying the book of photographs of Morandi's studio in Bologna, or the Fluxus artist's book wherein all the contents of a table are described in great detail.
Oh, curry is ready! I'm being so well-looked after.
I've seen no art yet, I keep wandering on foot and getting lost in neighbourhoods or shops, or getting lost on a bike. Tomorrow I am totally going to see some art.
Today there were iris fields, which were frankly a little bit overrated (or perhaps it made me nostalgic for my Mum's garden). It was full of Japanese couples of a certain age, which is nice, and many were doing watercolours of the flowers. Yesterday I bought these dried banana things and they are so amazing that I've now looked up whether I'm allowed to bring them back to Aust (I think so, if I declare them) ... soooo goooooood.
What else happened in Tokyo? My charming host took me to a beautiful bookstore, full of gorgeous books on the twentieth century avant gardes. I can't tell you how pleasing a second-hand bookstore can be made to the eye in this country. I just can't. I exhibited great restraint in not buying the book of photographs of Morandi's studio in Bologna, or the Fluxus artist's book wherein all the contents of a table are described in great detail.
Oh, curry is ready! I'm being so well-looked after.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Update
It’s been a really interesting day today that seems to be summing up lots of the stuff that’s going on.
1. MW and I went to see a house (apartment) that we really liked and it was before the proper inspection and a private rental so maybe we can even have it! It had a big kitchen with gas and a bathtub and was in Summer Hill near all the shops and 2br and overgrown garden. But it’s likely the saga of looking for a place will continue for some time. That’s just how it is, full of disappointments and rallying and so on.
2. I had an interview for a new job that could be very good and is actually perfect for me right now, with an academic art and critical theory publisher. It’s part time but only just, which makes me somehow feel constricted and tight in the throat like Diane Keaton’s character in Love and Death where she says ‘can’t breathe, open a window, no, the other one, the one in the kitchen’. I don’t want to work jobs at all! But anyway, it would beat the shitkickiness I’m engaged with at the moment, which wants me to become permanent in three weeks and be paid 30% less per hour for the privilege of losing my flexibility (which is the point of that job).
3. I went for lunch with MW and chose the salad over the omelette with chorizo. It was the healthy choice, and I still want that omelette now, but I exercised a discipline uncommon in my general life, hence felt powerful.
4. Had a hair cut. My long curly locks are now a short short bob. My hairdresser is six months pregnant, something I didn’t know was happening. I felt all peaceful and relaxed and had lots of head massages and they brought me tea and it was all luxurious. And now my head is all 1920s, which is good.
5. A blur … I have a lot of follow up work to do on the exhibition I have on at the moment. Emails, images, opportunities to grab … lots of pressing blah better get on with it …
6. Went to a nice opening and talked to good people. People I haven’t been talking to for months because I’ve been locked down working on my show, and now I can go out. Solved some of my worky problems in a nice social environment. Sometimes these things look after themselves.
7. Came to MW’s house, he is making lasagne and listening to his iPod in the kitchen. As I type, I can sometimes hear him singing along. Warm feeling.
8. I was sent this link, thoughtfully. It made me want to write this post, so I did.
In conclusion, life is good and change, although it can be stressy, makes you feel alive. You know you are alive because you are in your life, living it. Currently.
1. MW and I went to see a house (apartment) that we really liked and it was before the proper inspection and a private rental so maybe we can even have it! It had a big kitchen with gas and a bathtub and was in Summer Hill near all the shops and 2br and overgrown garden. But it’s likely the saga of looking for a place will continue for some time. That’s just how it is, full of disappointments and rallying and so on.
2. I had an interview for a new job that could be very good and is actually perfect for me right now, with an academic art and critical theory publisher. It’s part time but only just, which makes me somehow feel constricted and tight in the throat like Diane Keaton’s character in Love and Death where she says ‘can’t breathe, open a window, no, the other one, the one in the kitchen’. I don’t want to work jobs at all! But anyway, it would beat the shitkickiness I’m engaged with at the moment, which wants me to become permanent in three weeks and be paid 30% less per hour for the privilege of losing my flexibility (which is the point of that job).
3. I went for lunch with MW and chose the salad over the omelette with chorizo. It was the healthy choice, and I still want that omelette now, but I exercised a discipline uncommon in my general life, hence felt powerful.
4. Had a hair cut. My long curly locks are now a short short bob. My hairdresser is six months pregnant, something I didn’t know was happening. I felt all peaceful and relaxed and had lots of head massages and they brought me tea and it was all luxurious. And now my head is all 1920s, which is good.
5. A blur … I have a lot of follow up work to do on the exhibition I have on at the moment. Emails, images, opportunities to grab … lots of pressing blah better get on with it …
6. Went to a nice opening and talked to good people. People I haven’t been talking to for months because I’ve been locked down working on my show, and now I can go out. Solved some of my worky problems in a nice social environment. Sometimes these things look after themselves.
7. Came to MW’s house, he is making lasagne and listening to his iPod in the kitchen. As I type, I can sometimes hear him singing along. Warm feeling.
8. I was sent this link, thoughtfully. It made me want to write this post, so I did.
In conclusion, life is good and change, although it can be stressy, makes you feel alive. You know you are alive because you are in your life, living it. Currently.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Things are looking up
- Feel less rutty (ie no longer in rut)
- Room tidied
- Breaking back of art projects
- Spring arrived!
- More work obtained (poverty fended off again)
- Haircut
- Quazillions of books mooched waiting for me to read!
- internet addiction subsiding (enabling life to be addressed)
In other news, it has been so long since I blogged that blogger has changed its interface in the interim. (Blog, blog; inter, inter).
- Room tidied
- Breaking back of art projects
- Spring arrived!
- More work obtained (poverty fended off again)
- Haircut
- Quazillions of books mooched waiting for me to read!
- internet addiction subsiding (enabling life to be addressed)
In other news, it has been so long since I blogged that blogger has changed its interface in the interim. (Blog, blog; inter, inter).
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
ADABTM
Another day, another beer too many. I'm dehydrating in this heat.
Also, I am having flashbacks of my old full-time job. Boo! Working is
SO
BORING
that you have to go for drinks all the time afterwards. It isn't balanced! Sorry about the lame-as post. This is one of those lulls that people have that make them forget that they're actually happy, you know, just the absence of joyful feelings for a little while. I'm tired, is all.
Also, I am having flashbacks of my old full-time job. Boo! Working is
SO
BORING
that you have to go for drinks all the time afterwards. It isn't balanced! Sorry about the lame-as post. This is one of those lulls that people have that make them forget that they're actually happy, you know, just the absence of joyful feelings for a little while. I'm tired, is all.
You could fry an egg out here
It's so fucking humid today, I've come over all Slash.
Regarding the coiffeur, of course. This happy little fellow might also prove instructional.
Regarding the coiffeur, of course. This happy little fellow might also prove instructional.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Tonight
I tried to go to a christmas party, but I had on thongs so the fascists wouldn't let me in, even though I was on the guest list (a whole other pointless story). I have done a LOT of walking tonight, which is OK because it's stopped raining every ten minutes. My allergic sister has stopped sleeping on my floor, I'm gonna get a WHOPPING tax return (sayonara, debt!), and I ... I ... I don't know what else.
Life is OK. I blew off my work christmas party because it was all too hard and I was a bit low energy after my two-hour afternoon nap. Is it any wonder I can't get any work done?
Meh. Life is good, anyway. Things are moving and changing. Gonna go to work, go to work, go to work. Be less poor, be less busy. Go to the beach and remember how to cook. Try to remember how to cook.
/stream of consciousness resolutions-ing
Life is OK. I blew off my work christmas party because it was all too hard and I was a bit low energy after my two-hour afternoon nap. Is it any wonder I can't get any work done?
Meh. Life is good, anyway. Things are moving and changing. Gonna go to work, go to work, go to work. Be less poor, be less busy. Go to the beach and remember how to cook. Try to remember how to cook.
/stream of consciousness resolutions-ing
Friday, July 20, 2007
Good things are happening. I feel good about them today. A couple of days ago I felt like shit and everything was horrible.
That's how you know you are alive, you see.
The joy
!
The suffering
!
I have so much work to do I'm frankly unsure that it's all going to get done. Am I subjecting myself to a humiliating publicly embarrassment? ('humiliating embarrassment' - that's tautological, you know).
I'm freaking out a little bit. Not today though. La di da.
That's how you know you are alive, you see.
The joy
!
The suffering
!
I have so much work to do I'm frankly unsure that it's all going to get done. Am I subjecting myself to a humiliating publicly embarrassment? ('humiliating embarrassment' - that's tautological, you know).
I'm freaking out a little bit. Not today though. La di da.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Productive and ennobling poverty Day One:
Awoke hungover. Too ill to live. Cancel morning activities. Back to bed.
Afternoon movie. Companion wants to smoke dope so watch movie wet due to all discreet places at Circular Quay being rainy. Movie all right (Paris Je T'aime). Too much jumping around but quite good bits. Meet J re collaborative work planned for weekend. Drink Diet Coke during meeting, perk up, feel creative.
Home to sleep early.
Afternoon movie. Companion wants to smoke dope so watch movie wet due to all discreet places at Circular Quay being rainy. Movie all right (Paris Je T'aime). Too much jumping around but quite good bits. Meet J re collaborative work planned for weekend. Drink Diet Coke during meeting, perk up, feel creative.
Home to sleep early.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
While reading I want to be a writer
The reason I said that loving a writer’s work can be lonely is that in order to read (or be read to) you give yourself up/over while the words are being read. You can connect those words to yourself and feel alive while reading, but when you put the book down, it’s like you don’t live in that world any more. You can still take pleasure from the memory of it (especially when there’s still more of that world to experience, ie you haven’t finished the book), and enjoy that sort of secret knowledge that you carry with you while the feeling lasts, but it’s ultimately not the same world that everyone around you inhabits. It's too private. Even when you share the experience of reading, like discussing a favourite writer with someone else, there’s something cold about it; it’s so different to that experience of reading, of living in that other world. Because it’s happening inside your head, and we all know the bitter truth about how accessible our heads are to other people (not very).
It’s a little weird, I suppose, to find loneliness in something pleasurable and life-affirming, simply because the experience can’t be sustained. Glass half empty etc.
It’s a little weird, I suppose, to find loneliness in something pleasurable and life-affirming, simply because the experience can’t be sustained. Glass half empty etc.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Expression of indignant incredulity
Blogger won't let me tag posts with exclamation marks. I mean, what up!!
In other news, I still have NO INTERNET at home.
See how we suffer?
In other news, I still have NO INTERNET at home.
See how we suffer?
Kurt Vonnegut Up In Heaven Now Shock
Kurt Vonnegut died. I have been feeling uneasy about his health for a while now, well, just knowing that he was pretty old, knowing that we don’t last forever etc etc. I knew he’d go soonish. It breaks my heart, a little bit.
I’m reading Jailbird, coincidentally, at the moment. It’s a really good one. I always found his world and his voice so utterly faithful. So direct, so honest, such clear vision (by which I mean I related to his perspective, I suppose. I get that that’s subjective). He’s pretty much my favourite.
There’s something lonely about loving a writer's work, ain't there?
What can you say, really *sigh*. If we could only conquer time and space!
I’m reading Jailbird, coincidentally, at the moment. It’s a really good one. I always found his world and his voice so utterly faithful. So direct, so honest, such clear vision (by which I mean I related to his perspective, I suppose. I get that that’s subjective). He’s pretty much my favourite.
There’s something lonely about loving a writer's work, ain't there?
What can you say, really *sigh*. If we could only conquer time and space!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
I don't know any more
Today has been pretty durn average.
How do you type the sound of a deep sigh with the air forced through the lips to make a kind of horsey exhaling sound? You know, like, audible resignation?
Next time I'm feeling GREAT I will force myself to blog, just for a bit of balance.
Good things:
* The place I'm staying at in Brisbane has a swimming pool and my work is paying. I will get to go to art openings as well as exhibitions while the office foots the accom/tansport tabs. This is a pretty good deal.
* I am out of debt. Long time coming. Soon as the tax bucks arrive I'll even be (gasp -) ahead.
* Christmas is coming and I will be going; to Thailand with my sister to drink cocktails and lie on the beach reading or drawing or staring snoozily into the middle distance (reputedly Margaret Thatcher's special skill, the staring bit I mean.)
* I am not Margaret Thatcher. The shame would be terrible.
I've run out. Note to self; collect list of good things to post on blog. I can do better than this, surely.
Average, average, average.
How do you type the sound of a deep sigh with the air forced through the lips to make a kind of horsey exhaling sound? You know, like, audible resignation?
Next time I'm feeling GREAT I will force myself to blog, just for a bit of balance.
Good things:
* The place I'm staying at in Brisbane has a swimming pool and my work is paying. I will get to go to art openings as well as exhibitions while the office foots the accom/tansport tabs. This is a pretty good deal.
* I am out of debt. Long time coming. Soon as the tax bucks arrive I'll even be (gasp -) ahead.
* Christmas is coming and I will be going; to Thailand with my sister to drink cocktails and lie on the beach reading or drawing or staring snoozily into the middle distance (reputedly Margaret Thatcher's special skill, the staring bit I mean.)
* I am not Margaret Thatcher. The shame would be terrible.
I've run out. Note to self; collect list of good things to post on blog. I can do better than this, surely.
Average, average, average.
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