Ooh, I. Ooh, I. Ooh, I. Ooh, I (just know that something good is gonna happen)

So I decided tonight that I am, big-picture-wise, on track for my upcoming show, and that even if it's not as good as I wanted or not as much work made as I had planned, it is only to the degree that it is always like that and therefore normal.

I will still have to work my 'ass' off all week but that's OK, I'm in the zone now and it finally feels OK. Unsolved problems notwithstanding.

In other news, I saw Mitch at a party the other night and told him about the dream that starred him in the lead role. It totally freaked him out - I barely know him. Now I think he's scared of me. I am the weird inappropriate chick. I thought it was just going to be an unusually good icebreaker at the party... but I don't regret my candidness. If he can't handle starring in the dreams of random strangers ... Naw, bless 'im, e's all right.

See, nothing can taint the good mood this moment.

It's passage of time, Neil

I have become a scrabulous freak. It's the best method of procrastination I've found in ages.

I'm not very good though. I might make a Fimo scrabble tile. A high scoring one, mwa ha ha.

Friendship requires honesty

If I were this blog's friend, its true friend, I'd take it aside and confront it.

"You've changed," I'd say. "Take a long hard look at yourself and see what you've become."

I'd only be telling it because I loved it.

Dream 25/7/2007

Mitch Cairns has a series of huge shows as an immensely successful artist. I attend an artists' talk at his National Gallery of Australia survey show in Canberra. He is clumsy and inarticulate and utterly charms everyone, including me. His works keep breaking and falling off the wall but somehow this seems to be part of what they're supposed to be like. He stresses out and takes off - I try to follow/find him through all that labyrinthine concrete architecture. No-one else is around. I realise the gallery is a space station, which strangely relaxes me because at least the art scene has disappeared.

Sorry Mitch, I don't know that this has anything to do with you. I can only claim the license of unconsciousness.

It should be this easy

You know, just pay your 5S, read your magazine, and get on with your octagonal painting.



*NB: 'S' denotes hours of sweat (quantity in tonnes).

I don't know what to believe any more

Publicly embarrassment

See what can happen? See??

Good things are happening. I feel good about them today. A couple of days ago I felt like shit and everything was horrible.

That's how you know you are alive, you see.

The joy
!

The suffering
!

I have so much work to do I'm frankly unsure that it's all going to get done. Am I subjecting myself to a humiliating publicly embarrassment? ('humiliating embarrassment' - that's tautological, you know).

I'm freaking out a little bit. Not today though. La di da.

Dream 30/6/07: Portrait of my father as a blue budgie

I am in a travelling prize exhibition where the work is about birds, specifically budgies. I have proposed a certain work and my proposal has been accepted but I haven't made the work yet. We travel together to the location of the show; somewhere distant, tropical? Luke Shelley and others from the gosford emerging show are there. I am making four budgies (out of fimo) who will sit on a single perch inside of a white, round fimo cage. It will be some kind of metaphor for a family. Other people are installing the work in an atmosphere of friendly camaraderie and i am sitting on the floor making mine. I start with a yellow bird but soon realise that a canary is not the same as a budgie and have to start again. The next one I make is blue, and I find it hard to make a realistic shape of the bird's body; also, i keep finding real wings and feathers in my work, which annoys me ... it's supposed to be fimo. I get stuck into it and am amazed at the forms I can construct. Then I realise the bird I've made is much too large and I have to make it smaller. Then I realise it can be the 'father' bird so it's ok.

I have fimoed my own handwriting

Yes. Yes, I have.

In contrast to my previous mood of late

Teigan has been up from Melbourne to visit. As a going away present he is getting me some cold and flu tablets. Isn't that nice? It shows he really cares. Right now the sun is coming through the window onto the back of my head and neck in such a way; I can't tell you. You would just have to feel it to understand.

The Particular Pleasures of Posting

I mean, there just aren't the opportunities for alliteration on Facebook, are there? Blogging better because it is infinitely influencabler.

Somebody call the meta-police! Metapuh-lease!

I'm going to regret this [later on] in the morning.

What I Did In My Holidays I Mean Life Lately

Went to Melbourne for exhibition stop sold a little work stop no its true I wouldn't shit ya stop it was very cheap stop had fun hanging out with teigan drinking a lot and inhaling secondhand smoke but this has all come to an end now ha stop bought a great table on ebay for my new studio no this is back in sydney now stop yes new studio for me to be productive in stop i told you i was going to get one stop also a good chair stop photos soon stop maybe stop went climbing for the first time in two months stop couldnt hack it for long stop must stop get stop fit stop

yeah yeah i know its more tiring to read than it is to write

stop

just hadda sneak that in

stop [etc etc etc]

Regrets, I've had a few ...

I'm going to go out on a cliche limb here and state the bleedingly obvious. I have been neglecting my lil la di da world lately. We used to be so close, and now - well, I don't know if this Facebook thing is going to last but I just feel that it's what I want to explore right now. It's like, I want to take the opportunity I lost with Myspace and do it right this time ... I don't want to miss this opportunity, you know? This feeling might not come again in a hurry. It's just what feels right, right now. I mean, the blog and I have had some good times, and I know we'll always have more ...

Oh for pete's sake. I've just been lazy and inhibited, alright?

OK, newsy post coming right up.