More upbeat

I have these times when I want to do paintings/become a painter. That might happen, one day. But other times I want to become a writer (again). Both have the same problem in them; content/subject.

What of/about?

So silly. It's best just to do things, and not worry or anticipate or plan. You can always make it good later if it's crap at the start.

Anyway.

I'm feeling a little more upbeat now.

Here's a picture of something I made recently:



Just doing anything at all is usually the biggest problem for me. I think I need to do more that's messy. Precious schmecious (if you will).

Flailing about in the dark

There's also this:

It's an exhibition. Don't try reading the little bits of text, they're too small and I couldn't be arsed mucking about with preparing images properly. You should know by now that that sort of thing isn't what goes on in these parts.

On the show, though, I was down on my work, but the parts that insisted on not being able to be fixed knew better than me how to self-actualise their constituent selves into a successful work.

I was battling every part of it all the way, and it beat me, and I learned that I was beaten because the work itself is superior to my understanding of what makes it good (when it is). That's a little scary. But it can be no other way. My little brain isn't capable of logically following through to the conclusions of its instincts.

This is what makes it hard to write artist statements, but at the same time is what is the appealing mystery of, like, yanno, art. It needs to reach for something slightly further than your own understanding. Maybe.

I don't learn something from every project I undertake but I have from this... I don't know exactly what it is, but it's there somewhere.

Anyhoo.

Tom Polo is awesome, btw. He's good people.

Circular Post About Miranda July

I've been reading Miranda July's blogs and interviews with her and watching YouTube clips from her movie all morning. She's a great character, just very honest and real. Not that she's a 'character' like someone who's made up, but I don't know her so I can't exactly say she's a great person. She has a kind of earnest lightness, or a light earnestness that makes me feel good.

When I first saw You Me and Everyone We Know I thought it was just OK. I liked certain things about it a lot, but I found it a bit self-conscious, or found the pace a bit forced or something, just in general. But taken in the context of her whole work, you figure out a bit more where she's coming from, and it becomes a whole lot more likable. A long narrative like a feature film I guess, when it's made by someone who's perhaps less of a 'pro', comes out as different, uses different narrative techniques and different scales of events, and less conventional structures. I guess I was just being conservative in how I looked at it.

Like, OK (bear with me), when I chatted with TP and said it was hot here and I was wearing a skirt and t-shirt, and he commented about how cold it was there and he wished he was wearing a skirt, and I went ha ha boys in skirts. MJ probably would have said, yeah, boys should try wearing skirts because it's light and airy in summer and they don't know what they're missing. Whereas I had a small-scale knee-jerk conservatism. 'Haha, you're a boy and you said you wished you had a skirt, haha'.

Which brings me to an astute observation made by my ex-pat host the other day, which is that here (Japan) there is no concept of the 'tryhard' such as in Australia. We had seen some wannabe (see there it is again!) like boy band/girl group j-pop kind of singing teams practicing in the park, and thought that no young people would do that in Australia, because they'd be laughed at. She reckons that in Japanese culture, people respect people for trying hard, at whatever it is, and would not judge you negatively for it. She claims there's an absence of cynicism about people's aspirations and actions here (I'm wildly paraphrasing), and that people are hence more encouraging and experimental. She called it an absence of irony, I think. She said she'd miss it when she left.

It's a fairly appealing quality. I imagine I'd have trouble shaking my sense of irony. Probably a balanced approach would do. We yam what we yam, a bit.

Anyway, Miranda July's movie blog has a post from Paris about spending the day in looking at antique lace in a store. She picks four bits and buys them and makes a lace collar in homage to the Viktor and Rolf clothes she will never own. It made me feel better about what I've been doing here. And also like today might be the day I go and buy the curtain fabric.

I'm so impressionable!

[Meta-moment: OMG, this means I can reuse that post label I thought would never ever come up again!)

I was looking actually at the YouTube clips (it's all about Miranda) to find that part of the movie where there's a visit to an artist's studio. The visitors try to get rid of the artist's trash and he's all 'don't touch that sculpture!', and when they get stuck into admiring another work, it turns out to be his coffee cup or something. I couldn't find it. This happens to me all the time with my work. I was reminded of it because I went to a Martin Creed exhibition here a couple of days ago, who I bet this happens to all the time. He probably enjoys it. It happens to me, and I get frustrated, thinking 'does this mean I'm a gimmicky one joke artist like Martin Creed?'. (Disclaimer: I don't know anything about Martin Creed's work really. I'm sure it's complex and interesting. Most things are, even a screwed up piece of paper.)

The show I saw had that work in it. It was in a small side room. I started to go towards it and the gallery attendant stopped me, explaining that it was the office. I guess they don't feel it's important that people can get close to that particular piece of work. I encourage you to look at that work. I guess I was thinking of that when I made this. What a hack.

When I gave my newly developed short spiel about my work the other day to a friend of my host, she asked me 'but why?'. I mean, what can you say to that?

I'm going to take this opportunity to find out about Creed's practice properly.

Update

It’s been a really interesting day today that seems to be summing up lots of the stuff that’s going on.
1. MW and I went to see a house (apartment) that we really liked and it was before the proper inspection and a private rental so maybe we can even have it! It had a big kitchen with gas and a bathtub and was in Summer Hill near all the shops and 2br and overgrown garden. But it’s likely the saga of looking for a place will continue for some time. That’s just how it is, full of disappointments and rallying and so on.
2. I had an interview for a new job that could be very good and is actually perfect for me right now, with an academic art and critical theory publisher. It’s part time but only just, which makes me somehow feel constricted and tight in the throat like Diane Keaton’s character in Love and Death where she says ‘can’t breathe, open a window, no, the other one, the one in the kitchen’. I don’t want to work jobs at all! But anyway, it would beat the shitkickiness I’m engaged with at the moment, which wants me to become permanent in three weeks and be paid 30% less per hour for the privilege of losing my flexibility (which is the point of that job).
3. I went for lunch with MW and chose the salad over the omelette with chorizo. It was the healthy choice, and I still want that omelette now, but I exercised a discipline uncommon in my general life, hence felt powerful.
4. Had a hair cut. My long curly locks are now a short short bob. My hairdresser is six months pregnant, something I didn’t know was happening. I felt all peaceful and relaxed and had lots of head massages and they brought me tea and it was all luxurious. And now my head is all 1920s, which is good.
5. A blur … I have a lot of follow up work to do on the exhibition I have on at the moment. Emails, images, opportunities to grab … lots of pressing blah better get on with it …
6. Went to a nice opening and talked to good people. People I haven’t been talking to for months because I’ve been locked down working on my show, and now I can go out. Solved some of my worky problems in a nice social environment. Sometimes these things look after themselves.
7. Came to MW’s house, he is making lasagne and listening to his iPod in the kitchen. As I type, I can sometimes hear him singing along. Warm feeling.
8. I was sent this link, thoughtfully. It made me want to write this post, so I did.
In conclusion, life is good and change, although it can be stressy, makes you feel alive. You know you are alive because you are in your life, living it. Currently.

Liable for something

I left my bike locked up on Abercrombie St for two nights and it had the wheels stolen off it.

I drank a lot of different kinds of alcohol and suffered a terrible hangover.

I feel all right about these things, because I'm willing to be responsible for the consequences of my actions. Just gotta wear 'em.

What I don't feel so great about is my lack of willpower in getting things done. Doing what needs doing. I don't feel great taking responsibility for the consequences of my inaction. I"m trying to think of an example ... not doing or going to something I said I would and hence feeling empty or guilty.

On the upside, I do a mean lamb roast and potatoes that are to die for.

You know what ...

... getting the point is probably a better outcome than being right.